October 1984

Roanoke, Virginia

 

Maria Hall, stood, clutching her arms tightly around herself, barely daring to breathe, in the dark shadows of the hallway leading to her son's bedroom. Silently, trying not to panic, with a knot of fear growing in her stomach, she watched her husband of six years bend over their infants crib.

 

Deep, deep down she knew she had nothing to fear, but the nagging doubt that was beginning to build in her stomach grew, as she watched her husband, talk, explore and touch their young four-month-old son. His actions and the look on his face were deeply disturbing. Maria had seen him react this way several times over the past several weeks, and to her mind, it was as though Alan was testing, or examining the baby!

 

Alan had seemed genuinely disappointed when they had not become pregnant after several years of trying and then just as they were talking about seeing some specialists Maria to her utter delight had become pregnant. Initially, she had thought that Alan had felt the same way, but his whole attitude towards the pregnancy was altogether odd, some days he seemed as delighted as she was then at other times he seemed distant and preoccupied.

 

Maria had put it down to fears of becoming a first time father and had tried to tease him out of his preoccupation, but lately, since the birth of their son, his behavior when he thought he was not being observed was bordering on the bizarre. At least that was how Maria was beginning to feel, and as much as she tried she could not shake off this strange perception.

 

Her pregnancy and delivery had been an easy one, although she had been a little puzzled at Alan's behavior in the delivery room, instead of being at her side coaching her through her breathing, as they had been instructed at the Lamaze classes, he hovered at the end of the bed monitoring the obstetricians every move. Maria who was more than a little preoccupied to complain at that stage, felt abandoned, but she did yell at him during one very strong contraction. It seemed to jerk him back to her side but not for long.

 

They had spent months pouring over baby name books and had finally settled on the name Ryan, which was after close friends of theirs. Ryan was a very strong, happy baby, and according to all the baby books that Maria had read during her pregnancy he was doing all the right things at the right time, and was even ahead in some things. She knew in her heart that every mother thought that way and that every baby was different. She would smile and could not wait to tell Alan when Ryan would do some things, like when he rolled over onto his stomach at six weeks, she was convinced they had a very smart child. But even so why was Alan so concerned about Ryan's development, to the point of being almost paranoid, it was weird and did not make any sense.

 

Now Maria was beginning to become very concerned as Alan was becoming a stranger to her at times. There would be days when he would seem as happy as she was, then without warning he would become moody and withdrawn. She knew that Alan was under a lot of pressure at work, as he was the lead scientist on a special project for the government, but all their married life they had both worked extremely hard under all sorts of deadlines and pressure, as scientists, on several joint projects for the US government. So why was it now so difficult for Alan?

 

Maria had tried to dismiss it and could only hope it was the usual fears that all new fathers felt, and that in time it would pass and Alan would feel comfortable in his new role as a father. All these thoughts were rushing through her head, as she stood, shivering and frightened, in the dark watching the two most important people in her life.

 

Things gradually seemed to improve and Maria began to relax when out of the blue three weeks later she was totally astounded when Alan informed her that two colonels, who worked closely with him, were to be Ryan's Godparents. No family members or close friends were even considered. Alan just told her that was what was going to happen; she had no choice in the matter whatsoever. Maria cried that night, sobbing to Alan to try to make her understand what was going on, why he insisted on the military being involved in her son's life. Alan just brushed it off saying she was overwrought, tired and being an over protective mother.

 

Maria never did find out why these two men whom she hardly knew were so intimately involved with their family.

 

 

Buy the book